Light at the End of the Tunnel

Holy crap, I am awful at regular updates (duh, Captain Obvious).  I don't even have an excuse for not posting - I'm home all the time, our internet connection is *usually* fine, and I even have stuff to write about finally!  I'm just terribly lazy about updating, and I really hope to work on posting more frequently (but let's be real, given my track record, it probably won't happen.  Sorry).

Anyway, I said there was news, so ...

When I last left off, we were on a treatment break of indefinite length so we could attempt to save money for an IVF cycle, and I was super bummed and disappointed.  Since then, things have changed.

A few weeks ago, I called our insurance company to find out how much of our limited infertility coverage we had left after 3 IUIs.  (Quick recap:  our insurance provided coverage for infertility treatment/procedures with a lifetime limit of $15,000.)  In a super rare occurrence, something actually went right for us.  Our policy changed in January, and we no longer have an infertility coverage limit - everything is covered, we'll only be responsible for the office visit co-pays.  Instead of having to wait for at least a year (probably closer to 2 years), we can move on with IVF at some point in 2014!

I had a phone consult with our RE about next steps two weeks ago, and that went exactly as I thought it would.  Dr. H wasn't pushy about moving on to IVF, but she definitely made it clear that she didn't think IUI with injections would be successful.  She laid out the basic outlines of how IVF cycles are done at the clinic, gave me the list of the medications I would be using (Lupron, Follistim, and Menopur), and reassured me that given my past responses to medications, she thinks I'll be on lower doses of the meds (which will hopefully result in a slightly lower pharmacy bill).

As it stands now, we still have some saving to do - specialty medications aren't covered under our insurance plan, and they definitely aren't cheap.  There are a few discount programs available for out of pocket patients that I've applied for, which would help us get even closer to our IVF cycle.  With any luck, we're hoping to start the process around September.  B wants to take advantage of our insurance miracle before they change their minds and decide to take away our infertility coverage next year (but hopefully that won't happen). :)

So that's pretty much everything infertility-related that's been happening around here.  It sounds kind of crazy, but I'm really looking forward to starting IVF.  Mostly I think I'm just happy to see some light in this damn tunnel.

Now What?

This post has been sitting in my drafts for a couple of weeks now - I figured it was about time to hit publish.

Now what do we do?  That's the big question on our minds these days.  I think it's safe to say that B and I never expected be in this position.  Our third and final attempt at IUI failed, and now we have to think about next steps.  Ugh.

Based on our RE's recommendations when we first started pursuing treatment with her, I think it's pretty safe to guess that she's really going to push IVF with ICSI if we want to continue with treatment.  While I appreciate that our best chances lie in that procedure, the price tag that comes with it is really problematic.  At our consult in October, we were given an estimate of $17,000 plus up to $5,000 in medication to do an IVF/ICSI cycle.  To say that we can't afford that is an understatement, and that's not going to change any time soon.

We still have some money left in our insurance allowance for infertility coverage, but it's not nearly enough to cover a full cycle, and specialty medications have to be paid out of pocket.  I've used a few different resources to find grants for treatment (which I realize are very competitive and it's unlikely that we would actually get one), and I've found a whopping three that are available to people nationwide.  The others that I came across were only for residents of certain states or cities.   It's kind of sad, really.

So now we're in that lovely state of limbo, which leaves me in the state of extremely disappointed.  I hate being broken.

28 Things About Me

Since today is my birthday, I thought I would celebrate 28 with a list of 28 things about me.

1. I don't drive, and I've never had a driver's license.  It freaks me out, I'm a big chicken.
2. The only piercing I have ever had/will ever have is my nose.  I can't get my ears pierced because of a genetic thing.
3. My mom and I have the same middle name.
4. I have never travelled outside of the United States.  I don't have a passport or a pass card.
5. I get most (probably all) of my news from The Daily Show and The Colbert Report.
6. The first concert I ever went to was NSYNC at the local 4-H fair.
7. The most recent concert I've been to was Mumford & Sons.
8. I've seen Joshua Radin in concert 4 times.
9. I can't handle scary movies or (most) scary TV shows, but I love reading scary books.
10. I frequently have very strange, vivid dreams that I remember in the morning.  One of my most recent involved a narwhal that apparently lived in the river near our house.
11. I frequently watch ghost hunting TV shows even though I know they're incredibly fake. My favorite fake ghost hunters are the Ghost Adventures Crew.  I call them the Ghost Douches.
12. When I was in 5th grade, I learned about the paranormal, and I thought it was the most interesting stuff ever.  I used to look things up in the encyclopedia and other books, and when we finally got internet at our house (when I was in high school), I printed tons and tons of pages about strange things.
13. I was a really weird kid. I'm still kind of an oddball.
14. There is no sport that I don't find completely boring.
15. I do marathons ... On Netflix.  I have recently finished Buffy, Angel, Private Practice, and Dance Academy.  I am currently working on watching One Tree Hill.
16. While marathon watching TV shows, I frequently yell at the characters when they do stupid shit (which happens all the time).  I still find it very interesting.
17. I think my dream job would be owning a stationery store, but it would be a bad idea - I would spend all of my profits on pretty stationery.
18. I have a ridiculous obsession with paper products. 
19. I have very particular preferences for my writing utensils.  My favorite pen is the Pilot P-500.  All the rest are garbage.
20. I have naturally curly hair, and unlike many curly girls, I actually love my curls.  I went through a straightening phase in high school, but it was short-lived.
21. I do terrible impressions - my "best" is the Target lady (Kristin Wiig) from SNL.
22. My favorite movie genre is comedy, and my favorite comedies feature women being hilarious. Bridesmaids, Pitch Perfect, and Baby Mama are my top 3.
23. I read the last Harry Potter book in less than 12 hours. 
24. When I was in middle school, I decided I wanted to major in psychology in college, and then I did (and I miss it).
25. If we weren't super poor with thousands of dollars in student loan debt, I would get my Master's degree in counseling.
26. I'm not really a fan of small town living.  I always dreamed of living in a big city like Chicago.
27. Last summer went to my first comic convention, and I actually liked it.
28. Thinking of 28 things about myself was kind of hard (that's what she said).

So there it is, a list of 28 things about me.  This list has made me realize how much of a weirdo I am ... :)

Third Time's a Charm?

First of all, it's been a ridiculously long time since I've posted anything.  My bad.  I don't even have an excuse for my absence - I wrote posts, I just never got around to publishing them.  Whoops.  Moving on ...

Our second IUI didn't work, and that really sucked, because I had a really good feeling.  Things seemed to improve with the second cycle, despite a slight hiccup in the beginning (at my CD3 ultrasound, my lining hadn't thinned enough, so I had to delay the meds by a day).  I had a slightly better response to the Letrozole this time - I had one almost ready follicle at my mid-cycle ultrasound, B gave me the trigger shot (his first time!) 2 days after the mid-cycle, and we did the IUI 36 hours later.  My progesterone level at 7dpo was 42 this time (last time it was 35), and I was feeling really reflux-y toward the end of the 2 week wait, which really got my hopes up.  Unfortunately the beta came back negative, with a value of 2.

B and I both decided we would rather just try again right away, so when AF arrived, I called the RE's office and went in on Tuesday to get the all clear to start meds this week.  My mid-cycle scan is scheduled for next Friday, and with any luck, we'll be going in for our 3rd IUI early the following week.  It feels like things are moving really fast this time, but I think it's because I'm so used to taking a month off between cycles.  I'm so glad we decided to just move forward this time.

Other exciting things that have been happening:  we decided to spend our tax refund money on a new sofa.  We love our new Karlstad sectional.  We went on a mini-getaway this weekend to Minneapolis.  B went to WWE events 3 nights in a row (Sunday, Monday, Tuesday).  I finally finished the entire series of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and I ended up enjoying the show more than I thought I would).  I made some progress on my Project Life album, but I'm still kind of behind.  I think that's pretty much everything.

Lucky 7

Seven years ago today B, asked me if I maybe wanted to go out with him sometime or something (which was clearly code for "you + me = true love. Be with me forever?") - we started dating, and we haven't looked back.

We've been through a lot in the last 7 years, but we've made it through together.  Here's hoping that this year will be a lucky one.

I love you, potato. Xoxo

It's CD35 and I'm Pissed [updated]

I am sooooo pissed at my uterus.

My previous 3 cycles have all been 30 days (the first 2 were natural, the most recent was after stopping the vag progesterone), but apparently I was stupid to think my body was finally cooperating.  I don't know if I should blame this wonky cycle on the progesterone from last cycle or on the 3-4 lbs I gained back (after losing 13).  Either way, I'm angry that things aren't going the way they were supposed to - again.

I'm planning on calling the RE's office today, and hopefully they'll call in a prescription for Provera so we can get this show on the road (and by "get this show on the road," I mean wait 2.5 weeks for AF so we can finally move on).  I thought I could expect AF this morning, because all day yesterday and last night, I was exhausted and experiencing some really intense cramps.  I was wrong though, no signs at all today.  So now, everything is pushed back to starting in the middle of February, and we've lost another month.

I'm so sick of constantly fighting all of these elements that are outside of my control, and I'm especially sick of constantly feeling like I'm losing.  It's not supposed to be this hard!  Ugh.


Updated at 7:15 pm:  Apparently all it took was a temper tantrum, because right before I called the RE, I started spotting.  Tomorrow is definitely CD1, and things seem to be back on track, at least for the moment.

Blocked

I've been meaning to write a new post pretty much since I published the last one, but I had been having a hard time coming up with things to ramble about - blogger's block.  I started a couple of drafts, left them, came back to re-read them, realized they were crap, started over, and the vicious cycle kept repeating.  It didn't help that life has been very tame and boring lately (not always a bad thing, but it certainly doesn't lend itself to create interesting blog posts).  In an effort to finally get something posted, here's a brain dump about what has and hasn't been happening lately.

We're coming up on the end of a natural cycle, and I'm pretty sure I'll be back on the drugs next cycle if everything works out in our favor.  I'm on CD23, and if this cycle is like the previous 3, I should expect AF toward the end of next week.  I'm kind of hoping that AF is either a couple of days early or a couple of days late so that we don't have any issues with the timing of IUI 2.0.  If I have another 30 day cycle and my reaction to the meds is the same as last cycle, IUI day would be during one of B's busiest work days - which would probably result in us having to cancel.  It would be so much better for both of us if it would land on a less busy day so he could use a vacation day.  Crossing fingers things go our way!

Christmas is finally over for us - my sisters came to visit on their way home from their friend's house, dropping off and picking up the last of the gifts for our family's secret Santa gift exchange.  My Santa (my dad, with the help of my mom and sisters) gave me some really awesome gifts - name art of our last name and frames for the photos (like this, except our last name is so long we needed 2 frames), mint candy bars from Seroogy's, and (my favorite gift, the #1 thing on my wish list) a Project Life core kit (Kraft edition) and page protectors.  I'm really looking forward to using the kit to make our family yearbook.  I've been taking a bunch of pictures (not easy, given the current dullness of life) and I've been filling out planning pages for my layouts because I'm a nerd.  The only downside to the Project Life kit is I have some extras that I need to buy in order to make it work - a bigger pack of page protectors and an album (the PL page protectors don't fit in the red linen album I already have).  I also bought some partial kits from eBay so I have a nice variety.  These extras are not helping me work toward spending less money ... Anyway.  B was pretty pleased with his gifts too.  His secret Santa was one of my younger sisters, and she bought him two games - Settlers of Catan and Zombie Dice.  B loves having game nights at our house (or at our friend's house), so they were perfect gifts for him.  He also got Seroogy's mint candy bars.  Apparently our gifts were very well received as well (B bought for my dad, I bought for my sister-in-law), so Christmas was a hit.  I'm glad it's finally over now.

I had an emotional few days last week when my parents had to put one of their dogs down.  I think it's been extra rough because it was completely unexpected - she ate a frozen stick and it didn't break down, causing damage that couldn't be repaired .  She was only 8 years old, we got her and her sister when they were puppies, and she was such a sweet dog - it was a pretty devastating loss for my family, especially my dad.  They've been spoiling their other dog rotten to help heal their hearts, which is good for all of them.

B has been crazy busy at work the last few weeks, staying late, working on weekends, and bringing work home with him (hence the whole lotta nothing we've been doing lately.  Well, that and we're poor).  This new computer system they're using at work is really stressing him (and most of his co-workers) out, so he's been pretty tense  and a little cranky lately.  He managed to catch a cold (I'm guessing due to stress) and he was kind enough to share it with me, and it's miserable.

I'm off to a slow start on my goals for the new year.  It's a good thing I have the entire year to work on them!

So yeah, that's pretty much the whole update.  I'm hoping for some good excitement to come our way soon - this is just getting too boring!