Oct-over It

Near the end of September, something came over me.  I was getting really excited about October.  I had a good feeling about this month and I was getting “signs” that got my hopes up - my fortune cookies told me a pleasant surprise was coming my way soon, and now is a good time to try something new, I had started a higher dose of Clomid.  Things had to work, and my luck had to be changing …

And now, my optimism for October is going down the drain quickly, and we’re barely into the month.

Today is CD22.  To this point, I’ve had negative OPK’s and my chart looks awful.  I wish I still had some optimism left, but I just don’t.  The only thing that seemed somewhat promising was the awful sharp cramps I would randomly feel.  I thought they had to be a sign that my ovaries were trying to function properly.  Because I still haven’t gotten my positive OPK, I’m beginning to think those pains are actually a sign that something is going wrong.

I am well aware that it’s possible to ovulate late in your cycle - even after CD22.  I really really wish that this might be the case for me, but truthfully, the odds are against me.  It is completely my fault.  I haven’t been doing the things I should have been doing - eating right, continuing my yoga, getting real exercise … I’ve been lazy and unmotivated.  I’m just too exhausted to do the things that I know I should be doing.  It’s awful.  I’m definitely stuck in a rut right now, and I need to dig my way out of it ASAP.

I haven’t completely decided yet, but I’m leaning toward an unmedicated cycle next time around.  And I’m pretty sure I’m not going to chart my BBT.  I will definitely still use my Cleadblue Easy Fertility Monitor though - I have to have some idea about whatrs going on at least.  “They” always say that once you take a break from following procedure, things just fall into place.  I’m skeptical of this - my body doesn’t typically function the way it’s supposed to, so odds are if I go unmedicated, I probably won’t ovulate at all, but you never know, right? I’m hoping that taking a break in November will lead to a turkey in my oven … maybe if I get back on track and fake some optimism, good things will happen … until they do happen, I think I’ll keep my fingers crossed.