Stuck

I think that's the best way to describe how I've been feeling lately.

I think in my last TTC update (which was posted forever ago), I was dealing with a canceled cycle.  And that canceled cycle lasted 65 days.  This time around, I took 150mg of Clomid, which helped me grow 2 nice looking follicles.  On CD12, they were 15.9mm and 15.3mm.  But then my estradiol results came in super low.  I went back on CD16 in the hopes that my estradiol had increased, but of course, that wasn't the case.  Another canceled cycle to add to the list.  So now I'm in a different kind of 2 week wait - the one were I sit around waiting until I can call and ask for my Provera prescription (because it's very unlikely that AF is going to show up naturally), and then we can move onto the next cycle.  I'm looking forward to the next cycle - the plan is to try Femara this time, and I'm really hoping that it works out better than the Clomid.

I've been really stuck at work too (which is a topic that I try to avoid bringing up around here).  I've barely been tolerating my job for a while, but I've finally come to accept that this job is never going to be satisfying to me, I'm never going to advance, and I'm done trying to fight to make this job something it's not.  I'm starting to feel like my brain is mush-ifying.  A while back, I was seriously looking into going back to school for my Master's degree, but then decided to put it off.  It's expensive, we have a bunch of student loans that need to be paid off, it's time consuming, and we were just starting to try to get pregnant, so the timing wasn't right.  And now, with the fertility treatments, it's even less of an option - the timing isn't right again, so of course this is the time that I'd start thinking about going back to school again.  I'm hoping that I'll be able to find some kind of alternative to appeal to my academic side that's a bit less expensive, that way I can exercise my brain without breaking the bank.  We'll see what happens.

So yeah, that's what's been going on lately.  Fun times :)

Progress

It’s hard to believe, but we’re actually making some progress.  Not immediate progress, but progress nonetheless.

I called the doctor’s office a couple of weeks ago with my monthly cycle check in with disappointing results to report - despite the increased dosage of Clomid, I didn’t have any positive OPK’s this cycle.  My doctor was concerned about the intense cramping that I experienced, so I have officially been referred to a different practitioner who has a more hand on approach to treatment (she prefers to monitor patients who are on medication instead of having the patient self-monitor and report back, like I’ve been doing).  Because I hadn’t gotten AF on my own and I was approaching CD40, the new Nurse Practitioner I’ll be seeing prescribed Provera (again) to help things along.  On CD1, I have to call the doctor’s office so I can schedule an appointment and be seen by CD5.  The purpose of the appointment is to get a baseline ultrasound and to check for possible cysts that could have been caused by the Clomid, and to have a general consult with the new practitioner.

I spent almost half an hour on the phone with the insurance company before calling the doctor’s office and agreeing to move forward with this new plan.  I wanted to make sure everything would be covered, especially after the fiasco that was B’s appointment with the specialist that ended up being completely unnecessary and landed us a $400 out of pocket hospital bill for what should have been an office visit.  A bill like that is not an option for us right now.  I had looked over our policy book, and according to the book, everything up to and including IVF is covered, but there’s a $15,000 limit on fertility treatments (so far, I’ve used about $140 of that) - I figured it was probably safe to move forward, but insurance companies can be tricky, so I decided to be safe and call.  After listening to the customer service representative talk in circles for a while and explaining and re-explaining the situation, I finally got an answer - as long as the appointment is billed as an office visit (and it will be, according to the nurse I talked to), we will only be responsible for our co-pay.  Thank goodness.  Now I just have to wait for my next cycle to start so we can get this process moving.

This journey is nothing like I had expected when we first started “trying” a year ago.  It’s more disappointing and frustrating and exhausting than I could have ever imagined  … but I’m not letting that stop me, because I know that the end result is going to be so worth it.

One Step Forward ...

And 1,000 steps back.  Yeah, I’m exaggerating a little - it’s not that bad, but setbacks while TTC SUCK.

Yesterday was CD40.  Not even remotely close to the longest I’ve gone between cycles (154 days), but I didn’t want to sit around waiting for something to happen.  Thankfully the nurses in my doctor’s office are very helpful and prompt, and my doctor is super proactive with my treatment.  I got a phone call maybe a half hour after sending an email to the doctor’s office from a very nice nurse asking for more details, and then she called back after about 15 minutes with a plan of action from the doctor.

I started taking Provera again tonight to hopefully induce another cycle, and I have 100mg of Clomid to take on CD5-9.  I was really hoping that I wouldn’t have to start the Provera again, and I was especially hopeful after having AF show up on her own - early - in July.  Unfortunately, that just wasn’t the case - stupid body.

Along with the medications, I’d like to get more into the yoga I kind of started practicing.  Once in a while I’ll spend a half hour or so on it, but I need to start a regular routine.  It might not make a huge difference, but it can’t hurt.  Maybe combining all of these factors will get us a BFP in September … my fingers (and toes) are crossed.

Medicated

Now that I’ve finished taking the Provera and Clomid, I thought I’d take some time to post about my experiences with these particular medications.

As far as side effects go, I feel like I only experienced very mild ones with the Provera.  It pretty much just felt like regular PMS symptoms - moody/emotional, bloated, low energy … but nothing too drastic, which was a relief.  I had read online that AF typically shows up 5-10 days after the last dose of Provera, and I was right on schedule at 6 days.  I reacted really strongly to the medication - probably a good thing considering it had been so long in between cycles.  It made for a very uncomfortable week though :(. 

On CD5, I started taking the Clomid.  I was really nervous about it because I have a co-worker who had awful reactions to the medication, and I had read a lot of the stories that pop up online while searching for information about Clomid.  Because of some of the side effects (blurred vision, hot flashes, etc), I decided the best time for me to take the meds was before bed, and that worked out really well for me.  If I did experience any side effects, I didn’t notice them.

The instructions that I was given when my OB/GYN gave me the Clomid prescription stated that ovulation should occur between CD14 and CD19 (5-10 days after completing the Clomid).  Today I am on CD13 and my ovulation sticks have been negative (I started on CD10 just to get in the habit - I’m using the lovely cheapies from Amazon, so it doesn’t really matter if I go through a few extra).  I’m hopeful that some time this week, an eggie will decide it’s ready for take off.  I’ve penciled in some BD time for the next week to hopefully catch the hypothetical egg.  And after that … we wait.

If I do ovulate, I have to call the doctor’s office to inform them and then I’ll have to set up an appointment to check my progesterone levels.  I’m hoping that I won’t need to go through another round of medications (and that this is our cycle … that would be awesome) - even though I didn’t have terrible experiences, I also don’t like being on medication so … I’m keeping my fingers crossed.