Whoopsie!

I totally didn't mean to take a bloggy break - almost a month since my last post, yikes!  I've been really stressed because the last few weeks have been a little out of control thanks to my split shift starting at work again and other random life-y things happening.  Plus I seem to have misplaced my motivation (again).  I wish I could take a week off just to get caught up on my free time.  Ha!

Last Thursday was CD4, which meant I got to visit the Fertility Services Clinic for the first time.  The appointment itself was pretty uneventful - I had 2 vials of blood drawn to update my hormone levels, and I had a baseline ultrasound to check for any larger than normal cysts, and none were found.  So far, so good, right?  Wrong.  Before I had any blood drawn or vag cam visits, I had to pre-pay for the appointment - makes sense, no problem ... except there was a problem.  Some miscommunication between the insurance company and the financial coordinator led to us being charged $300 for the first appointment rather than the $20 copay we were expecting to pay.  It took a few days, lots of phone calls, and husband intervention to sort everything out.  The good news is we'll be getting a refund from the clinic.  The not so good news is we're still not doing a medicated cycle.  We won't be able to resume treatment until B goes in to update his tests and we have a follow-up treatment options appointment, but due to work scheduling conflicts, that won't be happening until the 2nd week of October, so we won't be back to medicated cycles until November.  I really wasn't expecting to take a 3 month break from treatment, but that's about where we're at now, and we can't do anything to change that, so I just have to get over it - easier said than done.  I think the most difficult part for me is having my updated test results available, but not gettting any information about what the numbers mean until we finally have our what's next appointment in a few weeks.  Obviously I've turned to Dr. Google, specifically in regards to my AMH level, but apparently there are different ways to measure AMH, and my results page on my chart doesn't tell me which they've used - it's either really good, or borderline just okay.  Awesome.

Aside from not taking drugs to help make a baby, I've been working my butt off trying to make our house look cuter.  I don't want to go into too much detail - I have a post in my drafts folder all about it - but I think it's safe to say my mission is pretty successful so far.  We still have a long way to go, but progress is always a win in my book.

So yeah, that's pretty much all of the important stuff that's been going on in the past few weeks.  Hopefully all of the less important stuff (like making lesson plans and printing busy work for two 3 hour shifts of daycare or dealing with drama from daycare parents - ugh) will ease up now that we're pretty set in a routine, leaving me more time to work on fun stuff like these boring posts :).

3

At this time 3 years ago, I had just gotten married to my best friend.  We were surrounded by our friends and family, I was in a poofy white gown, and we were getting ready to party for the rest of the night.  It was the best night of my life (so far).

Three years later, and I'm still falling for that guy more and more every day.

Post-Appointment Update Extravaganza

I promised I'd come back to update about our consult with the head RE, and look at me - I'm following through!  It may have taken longer than I planned, but it's the thought that counts, right?

I thought our consult went pretty well overall.  It's a good thing B was there to join me in the meeting, because a lot of it revolved around updating our health histories and getting to know what testing and treatments we had done so far.  The nurse who we met with first was an interesting character.  She was very energetic and quirky ... she kind of reminded me of a Kristen Wiig-esque character from Saturday Night Live - obviously I thought she was great.  After going over my extensive list of treatments, the focus turned to B's testing, and we actually heard something new.  B saw a specialist last summer because my clinic had issues with his SA results, but the specialist said the results he saw didn't concern him, and that was it.  But at this latest appointment, both the nurse and the RE mentioned a notation about a varicocele.  We had no idea what they were talking about because it had been a year since he saw the specialist, but he didn't remember the doctor saying anything about varicocele.  I'm not sure when we'll get further clarification, so mostly the new information just confused us (mosty me) a little more.

Aside from that little surprise, we didn't really get a lot of information from the RE, but considering all she had to go off of was our past treatment information, that was expected.  We won't know our plan of action moving forward until we have some re-tests done, but the RE did mention some possibilities.  She was surprised that we didn't exhuast our options with the Letrozole (I only tried the lowest dose before I was moved to the Clomid/Follistim combo deal), so that's something that we'll probably revisit in hopes of getting better results.  She would rather have us exhaust all of our other options before moving on to the more aggressive treatments (which we - and our bank account and my tummy - really appreciate, because injectables are hella expensive, guys.  And stabbing a needle into your own tummy fat is no picnic).  Also, she was surprised that we even did a Clomid/Follistim combination - the "mother clinic" (that's what the nurse and RE call it - like the mothership of aliens) doesn't combine other medications with the injectables, they just start the injectables earlier in the cycle to hopefully boost egg growth.  It was pretty interesting to hear about what the main RE would do differently, and I'm looking forward to working with her.  One of my favorite things that they told us was that they like to change things up if they notice that they aren't working, rather than spinning our wheels and trying the same thing over and over, wasting time.  I'm hoping that this will keep us from feeling so stuck.

At the end of the appointment, I was given a shiny new Clinic Fertility Services folder packed full of information about their pricing for different procedures and testing (yep, that's right, this clinic actually wants us to know what the approximate costs of everything will be.  Amazing right??), general information about IF, a list of grants available for IVF (which appears to be outdated.  I checked out all of the websites, and a few of them have been inactive for a couple years) and copies of our insurance coverage and tests ordered.  I'm planning on starting a new folder o' stuff to keep everything together, and I'll close out my folder from my last clinic (that I didn't do a very good job of keeping updated).

The biggest drawback to this switch is that all of the appointments will take place at the mother clinic, which is located within the hospital, and of course the hospital is located about an hour away.  Getting to our frequent appointments was difficult enough, and now with the clinic being farther away and crazy work schedules coming our way (I'm back to the split shift soon, and B has a few work trips coming up) things are really going to get difficult.  It's looking like we'll continue our break through September, then hopefully get back to treatments and appointments by October.  More bumps in the road, but hopefully this new RE and clinic will get us closer to the light at the end of the  tunnel.

Good News, Bad News

I've been meaning to update for a while, but life has been so busy lately (isn't that always the case?  I need a vacation).  I figured the best way to do this update was a Good News/Bad News list, because that's how things have been going lately.

Good News - it appears as though insurance has covered more of my HSG than we had originally expected.  After what felt like a million phone calls (and several customer service representatives), I was told by a financial coordinator through the clinic and an insurance representative that the procedure itself would cost $1,501 and we would be responsible to cover the rest of my deductible and then 20% of the remaining cost, for a grand total of $700+.  Ouch.  But on July 24th, I got an excited text and email from B with our insurance explanation of benefits attached - it appears as though we are only going to be charged the $20 copay that accompanies office visits at our clinic.  That's a major savings, which our bank account greatly appreciates.  It's not going to last long of course, but we'll take what we can get!

Bad News - AF arrived early at 5dpo, almost 2 weeks ago.  Yeah ... that sucked.  I noticed some spotting and just knew.  Wednesday morning (July 24) - the day I was supposed to get my progesterone level tested - AF was here in full force.  My progesterone results came back really low, indicating I didn't ovulate (which I totally don't understand - I had a 19mm follicle and I gave myself a trigger shot ... how did I not ovulate?), and general suck ensued (500 points if you just did the How I Met Your Mother salute to General Suck).  I had to have my CD3 ultrasound with a different doctor, and it was soooo awkward.  First of all, it was a dude, which is not my favorite.  Second, I felt like he wasn't really listening to me (we actually had a debate about what cycle day I was on, as if I didn't know how many days I had been bleeding!).  And he raised the exam table way into the air rather than sitting down at a lower level for the exam, so when he was done, I couldn't sit up and regain a teensy bit of modesty until he lowered the stupid table down.  Nothing like waiting for the table to slowly lower back to the ground with my legs spread and my hooha hanging out.  Not my favorite experience.  I really hope that I never have to see him again.

Good News - I have an appointment with the head RE at my clinic tomorrow, which will hopefully get us more answers.  The physician I usually see suggested I make an appointment with this RE, although I'm not entirely sure what the purpose of the appointment is, to be honest.  All I know is that the consult is supposed to be about an hour long, and I'll probably bring B back with me.  I want to have a second set of ears so that we can be sure to take in all the information we can get.  I'm guessing we'll discuss the last year's worth of treatments and maybe talk about a plan moving forward, but I don't really know.  I guess I'll find out tomorrow :).

Mixed Message News - When we realized that last cycle didn't work out, I was told that we had 2 options - go ahead with an increased dose of injections and try again, or take a break for a cycle, chat with the head RE, and then decide where to go from there.  After we talked about it and mapped out important dates, we figured the timing probably wouldn't work out.  Even though I hate the idea of losing another month, I know it was our best choice, and it hasn't been too bad - it's nice to have a break from giving injections, taking pills, visiting my pal the vag cam, and peeing on sticks.

Good News - MTV did something pretty awesome - huge shock right?  Their program True Life finally focused on something important with the episode "True Life:  I'm Desperate to Have a Baby."  (Yes, I know they've covered topics like addiction, which is also important, but one of their newest episodes is called "True Life:  I'm Too Beautiful."  Give me a break.)  It followed 2 couples who were struggling with infertility and documented their efforts to get pregnant via IVF.  It is definitely worth a watch.

Get More: True Life, Full Episodes

So that's the most recent update.  I'm hoping to be back tomorrow with all of the details from our meeting with the RE, and I have a couple of drafts that are burning a hole in my brain that will hopefully be published soon.

Upbeat

Monday was my second follicle check of this cycle (on CD14), and I left my clinic feeling awesome - that almost never happens.  Everything has come back so much stronger than the same point of precious cycles, and that, my friends, is finally some forward progress.  I give credit to my new BFF.

I ended up surviving the Follistim injections, and it really was not as bad as I had imagined it would be - I really didn't even feel the needle, and after the first couple, it didn't even phase me anymore.  Anyway, all of those injections paid off, and the prize so far ... was another injection.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Last Thursday was follicle check number 1 (CD10).  I had a leftover 23mm monster cyst (it was 13mm on CD1), but otherwise things looked decent.  The first thing I noticed when I walked into the ultrasound exam room was that they had a new exam chair, which was beyond exciting for me - definitely a sign that I spend too much time there.  I visited the vampires in the lab so they could test my estradiol (the stupid hormone that always fucks everything up), and my RE called with the results that night - 210, the highest I've ever shown.  Booyah!

Saturday, I had another trip to the lab to have my estradiol tested.  Unfortunately, the lab didn't get my results entered as quickly as they were supposed to, so I got a call Saturday night letting me know that I would get the results on Sunday, and I was told to take another dose of Follistim that night.  I didn't do that though, because we didn't get home until late - we were celebrating the first birthday of my friend's adorable baby girl and enjoying a mini college reunion.  It was so nice to catch up with my friends - much needed.

Sunday morning, the results phone call wasn't as great as I had hoped - my estradiol was only up to 216, so I had to keep my appointment that was set for Monday afternoon, and wait to trigger until I was given the okay.  I also ended up giving myself that last Follistim shot.

On Monday, I was supposed to start in the lab to get my estradiol tested again, but I wasn't able to get there early enough and the lab was a zoo, so I decided I'd just finish up there instead.  Like I mentioned in the opening, my second follicle check was really good - triple layer utey lining, the monster cyst was gone, and I had 2 follicles, 19mm and 15mm.  My RE's outlook was very positive, and she said that we would determine when I should trigger after my estradiol results came back the next day.

Finally, on Tuesday morning, I was just finishing up our "morning meeting" at work when I felt my phone ring (yes, I answered my personal phone at work, which is totally against policy.  And I don't care, because it was an important phone call).  My estradiol came back at 264, so I was told to give myself the trigger injection (my prize!) later on Tuesday, have some scheduled intimate time with my hubster (scheduled sex is such a turn on ... not), and then go in next Wednesday for a progesterone test.  After that, it's the long wait until we find out if we caught the egg.

So that gets us updated to today ... I'm feeling cautiously hopeful - I don't want to get my hopes up, but it's hard not to when things seem to be going so well.  I guess we'll find out in a couple of weeks if all of this worked out.

Tried It

I can officially cross two more items off the "tried it" list.  Two things that don't appear to be on the fun little list below ...

Earlier today, I had my HSG.  Holy eff, it was "uncomfortable" (if uncomfortable means ohshit this frakkin' hurts!!).  Before the procedure, I asked the radiology nurse if there would be a physical picture printed so I could get a copy for my scrapbook - unfortunately, there was not.  The procedure itself was pretty quick, and I've been crampy and uncomfortable all night, but I'm surviving.  Oh, and they saw the "fill and spill" of everything being clear and my ute is the correct shape, so things are good.

The second thing I can check off the list is giving myself a Follistim injection.  I put it off for a while, then B helped pump me up to do the damn thing.  I got everything ready, I cried for a minute, then said fuck it, stabbed the needle in, pressed the button, and it was done.  I have 3 more doses in the pen, 2 of which I am definitely expecting to take.  Hopefully I won't have to refill any time soon, because it's so expensive, and we're super broke.  I'll maybe have an idea tomorrow during my ultrasound appointment, but I wouldn't be surprised if I had to make another follicle check appointment for Saturday.

Crossing fingers and toes for good news ...

Overwhelmed

I apologize in advance if this post makes no sense - my brain is all kinds of jumbled right now.  Also, be warned that this post is pretty much all about AF, so if you want to avoid a TMI-fest, move on now.

Last weekend, I noticed that I had started spotting, which was absolutely amazing to me - it's been so long since I've started AF without the help of Provera.  On Monday night, the spotting was a little heavier, and by mid-day Tuesday, I was certain that AF had finally arrived - it definitely seemed like a full flow.  I called the clinic, and because of a long workday on Wednesday and the holiday on Thursday (which would be CD3, when I typically have the baseline), it was decided that I would come in for the last appointment on Tuesday (on CD1) for my baseline ultrasound.  My ultrasound came back normal, I talked with a nurse about setting up an appointment for my HSG, and my RE gave me a lot of information about injectables, because I'm starting those this cycle (holy shit).  It was a lot of information to take in, and I'm surprised I didn't completely break down when we got to the car.  Instead of turning into a sobbing mess, I turned to my BFF the Internet for support from my friends who have gone through or are currently going through infertility treatments, and to research the least expensive supplier of injectables.  (Spoiler Alert:  injectables are expensive everywhere.  The best choice I found was Walgreen's Specialty - after enrolling in the Design Rx program, the cost will come to $254.  My second choice was Freedom Fertility, at $256.)

On Wednesday, I got a call from one of the nurses letting me know when my HSG had been scheduled (next Wednesday at 10:45), and I used that opportunity to ask about my cycle being wonky.  I explained that I was only spotting again, that I only briefly had full flow, and that I was confused about what was happening.  She told me that sometimes it's normal for AF to start, then stop, then start again, so I should just wait it out, and if there was no increase by Friday, give them a call again to figure out what's next.

Because I am clearly cursed, there was no change over the last couple of days.  Still just spotting, and barely that.  I called this morning to talk to a nurse, and she said just go ahead with things as planned (although now the medications will all be pushed back a day).  So that was the plan ... until I got a phone call from my clinic this afternoon.  She said that my RE has requested a blood pregnancy test to make sure that all of our bases are covered (even though the odds of that being the cause of this stupid, semi-non-existent AF are slim to none).  Unless I hitchhike, that's going to have to wait until tomorrow.

When we started with treatments over a year ago, I knew that things weren't going to be easy.  What I didn't expect was that things would become so damn complicated.  I'm ready for everything to fall into place ... any day now would be perfect.