There are so many great sources of advice for couples who are newly diagnosed with infertility as well as etiquette suggestions for the friends and family of couples with infertility. Unfortunately, not all family and friends follow those guidelines, so this is my open letter to them. (I know I'm not adding anything new with this letter, just reiterating the excellent points made by others.)
Dear Family and Friends of Infertiles,
Infertility is a really sensitive subject, and unless the couple in question implicitly tells you they want to talk about it, it's best to keep quiet. A simple "I'm thinking about you, and I'm here for you if you want to talk" is just fine, but try not to take it any further unless you're invited to do so. Advice and platitudes aren't helpful - we (infertiles) understand they're well intentioned, but we guarantee we've heard it before, and it's not helpful. In fact, it's annoying. The anecdotes about a friend's cousin's best friend who had success after doing x, y, and z is lovely, but it doesn't apply to every situation. Basically, what it boils down to is: if you're not a Reproductive Endocrinologist, please don't give medical advice. We wouldn't be paying a specialist thousands of dollars if there was a cheaper or simpler way to do things. At this point, it's pretty much guaranteed that we've tried it. Again, we appreciate the good intentions, but we don't need anecdotes. We need support and a shoulder to lean on (and this does not mean pity!).
Thank you for trying to understand this delicate situation.
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