Progress

It’s hard to believe, but we’re actually making some progress.  Not immediate progress, but progress nonetheless.

I called the doctor’s office a couple of weeks ago with my monthly cycle check in with disappointing results to report - despite the increased dosage of Clomid, I didn’t have any positive OPK’s this cycle.  My doctor was concerned about the intense cramping that I experienced, so I have officially been referred to a different practitioner who has a more hand on approach to treatment (she prefers to monitor patients who are on medication instead of having the patient self-monitor and report back, like I’ve been doing).  Because I hadn’t gotten AF on my own and I was approaching CD40, the new Nurse Practitioner I’ll be seeing prescribed Provera (again) to help things along.  On CD1, I have to call the doctor’s office so I can schedule an appointment and be seen by CD5.  The purpose of the appointment is to get a baseline ultrasound and to check for possible cysts that could have been caused by the Clomid, and to have a general consult with the new practitioner.

I spent almost half an hour on the phone with the insurance company before calling the doctor’s office and agreeing to move forward with this new plan.  I wanted to make sure everything would be covered, especially after the fiasco that was B’s appointment with the specialist that ended up being completely unnecessary and landed us a $400 out of pocket hospital bill for what should have been an office visit.  A bill like that is not an option for us right now.  I had looked over our policy book, and according to the book, everything up to and including IVF is covered, but there’s a $15,000 limit on fertility treatments (so far, I’ve used about $140 of that) - I figured it was probably safe to move forward, but insurance companies can be tricky, so I decided to be safe and call.  After listening to the customer service representative talk in circles for a while and explaining and re-explaining the situation, I finally got an answer - as long as the appointment is billed as an office visit (and it will be, according to the nurse I talked to), we will only be responsible for our co-pay.  Thank goodness.  Now I just have to wait for my next cycle to start so we can get this process moving.

This journey is nothing like I had expected when we first started “trying” a year ago.  It’s more disappointing and frustrating and exhausting than I could have ever imagined  … but I’m not letting that stop me, because I know that the end result is going to be so worth it.

Oct-over It

Near the end of September, something came over me.  I was getting really excited about October.  I had a good feeling about this month and I was getting “signs” that got my hopes up - my fortune cookies told me a pleasant surprise was coming my way soon, and now is a good time to try something new, I had started a higher dose of Clomid.  Things had to work, and my luck had to be changing …

And now, my optimism for October is going down the drain quickly, and we’re barely into the month.

Today is CD22.  To this point, I’ve had negative OPK’s and my chart looks awful.  I wish I still had some optimism left, but I just don’t.  The only thing that seemed somewhat promising was the awful sharp cramps I would randomly feel.  I thought they had to be a sign that my ovaries were trying to function properly.  Because I still haven’t gotten my positive OPK, I’m beginning to think those pains are actually a sign that something is going wrong.

I am well aware that it’s possible to ovulate late in your cycle - even after CD22.  I really really wish that this might be the case for me, but truthfully, the odds are against me.  It is completely my fault.  I haven’t been doing the things I should have been doing - eating right, continuing my yoga, getting real exercise … I’ve been lazy and unmotivated.  I’m just too exhausted to do the things that I know I should be doing.  It’s awful.  I’m definitely stuck in a rut right now, and I need to dig my way out of it ASAP.

I haven’t completely decided yet, but I’m leaning toward an unmedicated cycle next time around.  And I’m pretty sure I’m not going to chart my BBT.  I will definitely still use my Cleadblue Easy Fertility Monitor though - I have to have some idea about whatrs going on at least.  “They” always say that once you take a break from following procedure, things just fall into place.  I’m skeptical of this - my body doesn’t typically function the way it’s supposed to, so odds are if I go unmedicated, I probably won’t ovulate at all, but you never know, right? I’m hoping that taking a break in November will lead to a turkey in my oven … maybe if I get back on track and fake some optimism, good things will happen … until they do happen, I think I’ll keep my fingers crossed.