Three Calls, That's All

Infertility sucks big time, but it has been helpful in improving my life skills, so I guess that's a bonus (not really).  I have become a phone call ninja - I used to panic when I had to call the doctor's office to make appointments or ask questions, but now I'm kind of a pro.  #humblebrag

When I left off last week, I was waiting for more information from my doctor's office regarding the cost of the HSG.  My doctor's office was amazing at getting back to me about my request - an hour or so after I sent the message, I got one in return that provided the customer service number to call to get an estimate and the CPT code to help get more information.  And this is where the fun started (if you call confusion and multiple phone calls fun) ...

It took 3 calls to my clinic's customer service to finally get my information passed on to the estimate department (it was ridiculous - 2 out of the 3 representatives I talked to had no idea what they were doing), but once they had my information, the turn around was really quick.  I talked to the estimate department representative yesterday morning - all I can say is I'm not looking forward to the bill after the procedure.  Of course that's in addition to the injections that I'll be adding in to the process when the HSG comes back clear  ... BUT we can't even get to that step until AF finally shows up, which doesn't seem to be happening any time soon.  I still have a week and a half before I'm supposed to call to ask for the Provera, and then 10 days of pills, and then AF, and by the time it's all over, we'll have missed the entire month of July.

I feel like I say it all the time, but I've been trying to be less of a bitter Betty - not very successfully, unfortunately.  There are a lot of positive things that I could focus on, but the easier choice has been to be angry or depressed.  We spent last Saturday at the ballpark (snooze) with B's parents, and I had kind of a nice chat with my mother-in-law about all of the crap we're going through.  She went through fertility treatments when they were trying to have B, so she understands - to a degree - what it's like, which is really nice (especially considering that my own mom doesn't get it - at all.  And I don't have the patience or brain power to explain this never-ending nightmare to her again and again ... and there's the anger and bitterness creeping back).  We also have some really great friends, in real life and online, who are so supportive - we're really lucky to have so many amazing people on our side, and I need to work on being more grateful for them and focus on the positive, rather than focusing on the negative all the time.  I'm a work in progress.

Another One Bites the Dust

Today is CD24, and we're looking at yet another canceled cycle.  This is really getting old  (actually, this is kind of old news, the cycle was officially canceled last Thursday, I just haven't had time or motivation to update here).

I went to a closer satellite branch of my clinic for another estradiol test last Thursday morning (my third in a week), and it was not good.  Just my luck.  Later that afternoon, I got the call saying the usual "your estradiol was just really low, and it doesn't make any sense.  We'll have to go ahead and cancel this cycle."  Such a disappointment, especially considering how excited we were to see triple layer lining just a few days before.  But wait, there's more ...

Because of my lack of success on this Letrozole cycle, my RE feels like it's time to be more aggressive.  Rather than attempting a higher dose of Letrozole in combination with the Metformin I recently started (and what a fun experience that has been ... yipes!  My poor tummy ...), it's time to move on to a Clomid + Follistim cycle.  I guess I should be excited about that - we're getting more aggressive, and maybe that's what it will take to finally get knocked up.  Maybe.

I'm supposed to call when AF shows (or in 3 weeks to get some Provera if that doesn't happen naturally), and then after my baseline ultrasound, we'll discuss setting up an HSG.  Cue the sad trombone.  I can feel the money flying out of our bank account, not to mention another month of trying getting flushed down the drain because we're waiting for things to happen.  Wasting time and money are two things that I really hate doing - I am not a happy camper.

I immediately started doing a little preliminary research into our out of pocket cost for the HSG, but didn't get very far.  My mistake was starting with the insurance company - I should have known that I wouldn't get much information there, especially considering they have no idea how the procedure would be coded for billing.  I did, however, manage to get some useful information from the insurance company regarding my deductible and such, so the call wasn't a complete waste of time.  I had been planning on calling at some point to find out how much of our infertility plan we had left (that's not even the right way to describe it - we have a lifetime limit of money to put toward infertility treatments, although it only covers a portion of the cost ... it's hard to describe), and I actually got some good news!  We still have a majority of the money left (we've used less than $1,000), so that can help cover part of the cost of the HSG (probably).  I emailed the doctor's office today requesting more information about the cost of the HSG and the location at which it would be done, so I should hopefully have more information soon.

So that pretty much updates the story so far - a somewhat promising start, followed by a major disappointment and more money disappearing out of our bank account - aka the story of my life.  I think it's about time that my story is re-written ...

To My Husband

Happy Birthday, my love.

Roller Coaster

I really would like to be done with this stupid emotional roller coaster now.

Thursday, I was having an awesome day until I got the phone call.  I spent Friday crying off and on all day, completely devastated.  Saturday's appointment had me hopeful again - follicles were more developed on CD14 than in previous cycles, and I had lovely triple layer lining.  And then ... I woke up this morning, and although I haven't gotten the official word from my doctor's office, I'm pretty sure this cycle is a bust.  My E2 came back at a whoppin' 19.  Nearly nothing.  For two 12mm follicles.  I'm crushed.  I'm expecting a call from the clinic tomorrow to make plans for what comes next.  Yesterday, the plan was to come in for another date with the vag cam if my E2 was decent, and if it was a little low, the appointment would be bumped to Tuesday.  With it coming back so low it's barely on the charts, I don't know what the plan will be, and it sucks.

I spent an hour this morning laying in bed consulting Dr. Google, which didn't help very much.  I was hoping maybe somewhere I would find someone with a similar experience saying they added in new meds mid-cycle that helped.  Or maybe that they started taking a supplement that improved their E2.  I didn't find those things, and now I have to wait until tomorrow morning to find out where my life is going this week.

B has been such a rock star husband through a lot of this, and I don't tell him that enough.  He's becoming really good at saying the right things at the right time (which never really was his forte before).  I'm also lucky enough to have an amazing friend who I can vent my frustrations to, knowing that she understands 100% and she's not going to say something stupid, like "just relax."  I'm soooo looking forward to our Skype date later this week - I need some perspective.

To finish this off, I'm sharing this video that I came across a while back.  I have heard pretty much every single one of these gems a million times in the last 2 years, and it never stops being annoying.


P.S.  I think I need to send this video and this link about IF etiquette to so many people I know (like my mom).  It's great information.

Kicked While I'm Down

That's probably the best way to describe how I'm feeling.  This week was the one year anniversary of medicated cycles.  Not exactly the kind of anniversary a person would want to celebrate.  I was trying to not let it get to me, but then, last night ... a bombshell.

I don't even have the words to talk about it right now, but it inspired a blog post by B that blew me away (go read it.  It's perfect).  It served as a perfect reminder about why I love him so much.

Quickie

I have a few more substantial drafts simmering on the back-burner, but I haven't had the time or motivation to actually finish and publish them yet.  Hopefully those will be ready soon, but in the meantime, I have a quick TTC update.

Wednesday afternoon, I had my baseline ultrasound (it was CD4) and I was given the all clear, allowing me to start the Letrozole right away.  On her way out of the exam room, my RE asked how I was doing on the Metformin, which really confused me - I've never been on Metformin.  After I explained that to her, she said that if this cycle doesn't work out, then next cycle we'll add Metformin to the cocktail, and that was the end of the appointment.  Tonight will be my last dose of the Letrozole, and so far I haven't noticed much - maybe a few twinges here and there ... I don't know.  I really hope that I have a decent reaction to the Letrozole - this is getting exhausting.  I just want things to work out for once.

Aside from that, it's been a sad week - a close friend of mine got some really devastating news at the beginning of the week, and my heart hurts for her.  If you could spend a minute to send prayers or vibes or whatever you're into, it would be very much appreciated.  <3