Blog Challenge Day 2: Rituals/Superstitions

Okay, time for day 2 of the 30 day challenge.  I'll be honest, I didn't have a great answer for this one, I was more intersested in hearing about other people's answers, so my apologies in advance for the response. :$

Do you have any rituals or superstitions that you feel bring you good luck for appointments?

Does overthinking everything count as a ritual?  Haha.  The only ritual that I have followed through with regularly is wearing my Origami Owl hope necklace to every appointment.  Once in a while, I wear orange clothes or socks because Twitter taught me that orange is the color of the fertility chakra, but so far, it hasn't brought me any extra fertile vibes.  I need to get into the habit of listening to my Circle + Bloom meditations regularly, but I've definitely been slacking in that department.  As far as superstitions go, I always wish at 11:11 and touch blue (11:11, make a wish, touch something blue and it will come true), but that's pretty much where my rituals and superstitions end.

Are there any fun rituals or superstitions that I should adopt?  I'm always interested in trying new things! :)

Blog Challenge Day 1: 7 Things About Me

Woo hoo! Day one of the 30 day challenge!  I wasn't thinking this through when I came up with this list - I just did a 28 things about me post for my birthday a few months ago.  D'oh!  I tried my best to not repeat things (it wasn't easy!).

1. I have never had surgery or broken a bone before.  This will change when I have my hysteroscopy later this week. (I'm nervous!)
2. I rarely drink alcohol.  I have never been drunk.  It's just never been something that I was really interested in.  Same goes for "recreational" drugs.  Never tried them, never want to.
3. I love dancing, but I'm not good at it. My lack of dance skillz doesn't stop me from tearing it up on the dance floor (aka my living room with all of the shades pulled so nobody can see me).
4. I'm not a fan of Halloweeen, but if I were, my go-to costumes would be:  Ms. Frizzle from the Magic School Bus (because of my similar frizzy hair), Marge Simpson (because of my yellow-ish skin tone), or Wilma Flintstone (because of our shared love of top knots).
5. I am a geek.  I love Harry Potter (I'm a Hufflepuff) and Doctor Who.  I sometimes read comic books (I like Alex + Ada, Sex Criminals, and the Buffy/Angel books).   I've been to 3 comic conventions.
6. I love drawing/doodling, painting and practicing hand lettering.  I try to keep our kitchen white board updated with different seasonally themed quotes or random song lyrics.  If I had better skills, I would try to sell my work at craft fairs or on Etsy. 
7. My blog URL, email, and twitter handle are all variations of I love you potato.  It's a wink at B, who says silly, random things when he talks in his sleep.  He called me potato, but he's the potato one.

So there you have it, 7 (more) things about me.  Review the challenge list here, and join in the fun!

Introducing: the 30 Day Challenge

Earlier this month, I started toying with the idea of doing a 30 day blogging challenge, focusing on the topic of infertility.  I've been an epic failure at keeping up this blog, and a challenge is my way of forcing myself to write.  After looking through some previous challenges and some brainstorming, I have compiled a list of 30 topics to write about - one for each day of September - that will hopefully be interesting and entertaining.  I would love to have friends in this challenge, so if you're interested, link your blog in the comments :).

Here are the questions/topics:

1. Let's start off kind of easy.  List 7 things about yourself so we can get to know you better.
2. Do you have any rituals or superstitions that you feel bring you good luck for appointments?
3. Share a few songs that are on your infertility playlist.
4. If money wasn't an issue, what would your dream vacation be?
5. Share your infertility mantra and/or quotes that you like.
6. I know there are millions, but what is your number one infertility related pet peeve?
7. If you could go back and change one minor event in your infertility journey, what would it be?
8. How has infertility changed you?
9. Share your favorite fertility friendly recipe or your go-to infertility comfort food.
10. What is one positive thing going on in your life right now?
11. What creative ways to get organized or document/track your treatment cycles have you used or seen?
12. #IFproblems - Tell us an embarrassing or silly story about the crazy infertility related things you've done or experienced.
13. Tell us about your hobbies and life outside of infertility.
14. What characteristics/traits/values do you hope to instill in your (future) child(ren)?
15. Write an open letter to anyone.  It can be infertility related or not, just get what you need off your chest.
16. What is your favorite children's story?
17. What are your go-to sources for infertility resources, information, and support?
18. Share 5 guilty (or not-so-guilty) pleasures that help you get through bad days.
19. Describe your perfect day.
20. Tell us about something you are passionate about.
21. Infertility can make marriage not so fun.  What tips and tricks do you have to keep your marriage fresh?
22. Partners are sometimes lost in the infertility shuffle.  Share a few things that you appreciate and love about your partner.
23. I think we've all seen the obnoxious "I make babies, what's your superpower?" meme.  Share your infertility superpower.
24. TTC, BFN, IVF - infertility is full of difficult to decipher acronyms.  Come up with a new infertility acronym to add to the list. 
25. Share your best advice to a person newly diagnosed with infertility or for a family member or friend of a person newly diagnosed with infertility.
26. Describe a new invention or app that would make life easier/better for infertiles.
27. Share an outfit that makes you look and feel awesome, even when you're having a blah day.
28. What are some ways that you raise infertility awareness in your day-to-day life?
29. Tell us 5 things that are on your bucket list.
30. Share an infertility related blog that you enjoy reading.

I tried to select topics that were general enough to be written about at any stage of infertility, and I also tried to be extra sensitive so as not to offend anyone.  If there are any topics that you think are questionable, please don't hesitate to let me know!  Thanks, and I hope you join and enjoy!

IVF so far

I'll get straight to the point - it hasn't been a picnic.  But that's an understatement.  Obviously, going into IVF, I knew it wasn't going to be easy.  I also stupidly didn't think it would be such a shit-show.  As it stands right now, about a quarter of the way through (halfway through the BCP/down-regulating cycle), more things have gone wrong than right.  Fuck. Me.

It started going south from the very beginning.  One of my results from the day 3 lab was flagged as abnormal.  My prolactin was very slightly elevated at 25.9 (they don't want it to be higher than 25).  I had to have a fasting retest a couple of days later, and that result came back well within normal parameters.  It was a relief that I didn't need further testing, but the added stress wasn't appreciated at all.

And then came the appointment scheduling difficulties.  It was brought to my attention at the lab appointment that I needed to have a sonohysterogram (saline sonogram) and trial embyro transfer done.  Even though both procedures are pretty close to the same thing, they couldn't be done at the same appointment, which is a bit of a pain in the ass for someone who doesn't drive.  Things were made more complicated when the best time to schedule the appointments was during a week when B needed to travel for work.  Eventually, I got everything figured out and booked for a Tuesday and Wednesday.  My sisters had plans to spend the week at our house while B was gone, and  they were sweet enough to drive my pedestrian ass to the appointment (note:  not plural.  Keep reading).  The SHG showed a few possible polyps, so the trial transfer the following day was canceled, and a hysteroscopic polypectomy was scheduled for the first week in September.  The surgery is necessary - not removing the polyps decreases our chances of a successful IVF by two thirds, but it wasn't on our radar at all, a complete curveball.  Not only did the surgery produce two extra appointments to schedule (3, if you count rescheduling the trial transfer), it brings an unexpected expense along with it.  I spent a bit of time today trying to find out just how much this surgery is going to cost us, and the answer is:  more than we'd like.  We'll already be meeting our deductible, thanks to the IVF medications, and with this surgery, we'll also be meeting our out of pocket maximum payment.  Overall, it'll only (ha!) cost us maybe $2,000, but it's extra money we hadn't anticipated on spending (and that we don't really have), and it's freaking us out.

I ran into a little more difficulty with appointment scheduling this morning, when I called to set up our injection training session and consent signing.  I was hoping to sneak both appointments in around the time that we have our pre-op appointment, but I was only able to schedule the injection training for the same day.  I'm hoping that our RE will be kind enough to let us do the consent signing at the pre-op appointment and save B from missing more work, but I have a feeling that won't work out.

And finally, to top it all off, there were some issues with the IVF med prescriptions.  They were originally called into the specialty pharmacy I had used for our IUI cycles.  I had good experiences with them and thought this would be an easy process.  Then I found out that the only way to have the specialty meds applied toward our health deductible and co-insurance is to have them filled by an insurance approved pharmacy.  All of the prescriptions (15 pages of them) had to be transferred to a new pharmacy.  When the first pharmacy tried to transfer them via fax, only the first page came through, so that created another problem, but that was eventually sorted by the pharmacy representatives helping with my order.  By going through the hassle of having the prescriptions transferred, we were able to save quite a bit of money, so the extra stress from transferring ended up being worth it.

Hopefully all of the issues we've faced so far aren't foreshadowing a completely shitty cycle.  I just can't let that happen - all of this nonsense needs to pay off.  If it doesn't, I'll probably lose my mind (what's left of it, anyway).

Keeping Private Things Private

This topic has been on my mind (and in my drafts folder) for a while now, and as we're inching closer to starting our first IVF cycle, I felt like it was time I finally write this out.  I'm pretty sure that anyone who has documented their experiences with infertility has dealt with this dilemma - I want to share my story, but this is also a sensitive time and equally sensitive subject, and there are things that I'd like to keep private.

Figuring out the balance of sharing vs. keeping private is especially difficult because we're pretty "out" about our experiences with infertility and treatment.  Both of our immediate families are mostly aware of what we're going through, as are some close friends, and anyone who has been following along here or on Twitter.  Oh, and anyone who read B's blog post last fall that he shared on Facebook.  So I guess that means there are quite a few people who have some knowledge about our infertility.  For a long time, I really didn't mind sharing (over-sharing, even) the details of our treatment cycles, what next steps were, and so on.  But as we're getting deeper into treatment, I'm finding myself wanting to hold some things back, sharing a little less, including a few less details.

The major bit of information that I'm most cautious about sharing is the outcome of the cycle.  I'm still debating how and when I would share if the cycle is a success (if it's a failure, there's a pretty good chance I'll be bitching about it), but I think it's a decision that will be made by B and I when we get closer to finding out the results.  In the meantime, I think I'm going to stick with my current method of sharing - talking about real details with close family and friends, and sharing more broad information on social media and such (not in real-time).  Hopefully this plan works out, and we'll be able to continue sharing and getting support while still maintaining a bit of privacy during this crazy time.

Light at the End of the Tunnel

Holy crap, I am awful at regular updates (duh, Captain Obvious).  I don't even have an excuse for not posting - I'm home all the time, our internet connection is *usually* fine, and I even have stuff to write about finally!  I'm just terribly lazy about updating, and I really hope to work on posting more frequently (but let's be real, given my track record, it probably won't happen.  Sorry).

Anyway, I said there was news, so ...

When I last left off, we were on a treatment break of indefinite length so we could attempt to save money for an IVF cycle, and I was super bummed and disappointed.  Since then, things have changed.

A few weeks ago, I called our insurance company to find out how much of our limited infertility coverage we had left after 3 IUIs.  (Quick recap:  our insurance provided coverage for infertility treatment/procedures with a lifetime limit of $15,000.)  In a super rare occurrence, something actually went right for us.  Our policy changed in January, and we no longer have an infertility coverage limit - everything is covered, we'll only be responsible for the office visit co-pays.  Instead of having to wait for at least a year (probably closer to 2 years), we can move on with IVF at some point in 2014!

I had a phone consult with our RE about next steps two weeks ago, and that went exactly as I thought it would.  Dr. H wasn't pushy about moving on to IVF, but she definitely made it clear that she didn't think IUI with injections would be successful.  She laid out the basic outlines of how IVF cycles are done at the clinic, gave me the list of the medications I would be using (Lupron, Follistim, and Menopur), and reassured me that given my past responses to medications, she thinks I'll be on lower doses of the meds (which will hopefully result in a slightly lower pharmacy bill).

As it stands now, we still have some saving to do - specialty medications aren't covered under our insurance plan, and they definitely aren't cheap.  There are a few discount programs available for out of pocket patients that I've applied for, which would help us get even closer to our IVF cycle.  With any luck, we're hoping to start the process around September.  B wants to take advantage of our insurance miracle before they change their minds and decide to take away our infertility coverage next year (but hopefully that won't happen). :)

So that's pretty much everything infertility-related that's been happening around here.  It sounds kind of crazy, but I'm really looking forward to starting IVF.  Mostly I think I'm just happy to see some light in this damn tunnel.

Now What?

This post has been sitting in my drafts for a couple of weeks now - I figured it was about time to hit publish.

Now what do we do?  That's the big question on our minds these days.  I think it's safe to say that B and I never expected be in this position.  Our third and final attempt at IUI failed, and now we have to think about next steps.  Ugh.

Based on our RE's recommendations when we first started pursuing treatment with her, I think it's pretty safe to guess that she's really going to push IVF with ICSI if we want to continue with treatment.  While I appreciate that our best chances lie in that procedure, the price tag that comes with it is really problematic.  At our consult in October, we were given an estimate of $17,000 plus up to $5,000 in medication to do an IVF/ICSI cycle.  To say that we can't afford that is an understatement, and that's not going to change any time soon.

We still have some money left in our insurance allowance for infertility coverage, but it's not nearly enough to cover a full cycle, and specialty medications have to be paid out of pocket.  I've used a few different resources to find grants for treatment (which I realize are very competitive and it's unlikely that we would actually get one), and I've found a whopping three that are available to people nationwide.  The others that I came across were only for residents of certain states or cities.   It's kind of sad, really.

So now we're in that lovely state of limbo, which leaves me in the state of extremely disappointed.  I hate being broken.