Third Time's a Charm?

First of all, it's been a ridiculously long time since I've posted anything.  My bad.  I don't even have an excuse for my absence - I wrote posts, I just never got around to publishing them.  Whoops.  Moving on ...

Our second IUI didn't work, and that really sucked, because I had a really good feeling.  Things seemed to improve with the second cycle, despite a slight hiccup in the beginning (at my CD3 ultrasound, my lining hadn't thinned enough, so I had to delay the meds by a day).  I had a slightly better response to the Letrozole this time - I had one almost ready follicle at my mid-cycle ultrasound, B gave me the trigger shot (his first time!) 2 days after the mid-cycle, and we did the IUI 36 hours later.  My progesterone level at 7dpo was 42 this time (last time it was 35), and I was feeling really reflux-y toward the end of the 2 week wait, which really got my hopes up.  Unfortunately the beta came back negative, with a value of 2.

B and I both decided we would rather just try again right away, so when AF arrived, I called the RE's office and went in on Tuesday to get the all clear to start meds this week.  My mid-cycle scan is scheduled for next Friday, and with any luck, we'll be going in for our 3rd IUI early the following week.  It feels like things are moving really fast this time, but I think it's because I'm so used to taking a month off between cycles.  I'm so glad we decided to just move forward this time.

Other exciting things that have been happening:  we decided to spend our tax refund money on a new sofa.  We love our new Karlstad sectional.  We went on a mini-getaway this weekend to Minneapolis.  B went to WWE events 3 nights in a row (Sunday, Monday, Tuesday).  I finally finished the entire series of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and I ended up enjoying the show more than I thought I would).  I made some progress on my Project Life album, but I'm still kind of behind.  I think that's pretty much everything.

Lucky 7

Seven years ago today B, asked me if I maybe wanted to go out with him sometime or something (which was clearly code for "you + me = true love. Be with me forever?") - we started dating, and we haven't looked back.

We've been through a lot in the last 7 years, but we've made it through together.  Here's hoping that this year will be a lucky one.

I love you, potato. Xoxo

It's CD35 and I'm Pissed [updated]

I am sooooo pissed at my uterus.

My previous 3 cycles have all been 30 days (the first 2 were natural, the most recent was after stopping the vag progesterone), but apparently I was stupid to think my body was finally cooperating.  I don't know if I should blame this wonky cycle on the progesterone from last cycle or on the 3-4 lbs I gained back (after losing 13).  Either way, I'm angry that things aren't going the way they were supposed to - again.

I'm planning on calling the RE's office today, and hopefully they'll call in a prescription for Provera so we can get this show on the road (and by "get this show on the road," I mean wait 2.5 weeks for AF so we can finally move on).  I thought I could expect AF this morning, because all day yesterday and last night, I was exhausted and experiencing some really intense cramps.  I was wrong though, no signs at all today.  So now, everything is pushed back to starting in the middle of February, and we've lost another month.

I'm so sick of constantly fighting all of these elements that are outside of my control, and I'm especially sick of constantly feeling like I'm losing.  It's not supposed to be this hard!  Ugh.


Updated at 7:15 pm:  Apparently all it took was a temper tantrum, because right before I called the RE, I started spotting.  Tomorrow is definitely CD1, and things seem to be back on track, at least for the moment.

Blocked

I've been meaning to write a new post pretty much since I published the last one, but I had been having a hard time coming up with things to ramble about - blogger's block.  I started a couple of drafts, left them, came back to re-read them, realized they were crap, started over, and the vicious cycle kept repeating.  It didn't help that life has been very tame and boring lately (not always a bad thing, but it certainly doesn't lend itself to create interesting blog posts).  In an effort to finally get something posted, here's a brain dump about what has and hasn't been happening lately.

We're coming up on the end of a natural cycle, and I'm pretty sure I'll be back on the drugs next cycle if everything works out in our favor.  I'm on CD23, and if this cycle is like the previous 3, I should expect AF toward the end of next week.  I'm kind of hoping that AF is either a couple of days early or a couple of days late so that we don't have any issues with the timing of IUI 2.0.  If I have another 30 day cycle and my reaction to the meds is the same as last cycle, IUI day would be during one of B's busiest work days - which would probably result in us having to cancel.  It would be so much better for both of us if it would land on a less busy day so he could use a vacation day.  Crossing fingers things go our way!

Christmas is finally over for us - my sisters came to visit on their way home from their friend's house, dropping off and picking up the last of the gifts for our family's secret Santa gift exchange.  My Santa (my dad, with the help of my mom and sisters) gave me some really awesome gifts - name art of our last name and frames for the photos (like this, except our last name is so long we needed 2 frames), mint candy bars from Seroogy's, and (my favorite gift, the #1 thing on my wish list) a Project Life core kit (Kraft edition) and page protectors.  I'm really looking forward to using the kit to make our family yearbook.  I've been taking a bunch of pictures (not easy, given the current dullness of life) and I've been filling out planning pages for my layouts because I'm a nerd.  The only downside to the Project Life kit is I have some extras that I need to buy in order to make it work - a bigger pack of page protectors and an album (the PL page protectors don't fit in the red linen album I already have).  I also bought some partial kits from eBay so I have a nice variety.  These extras are not helping me work toward spending less money ... Anyway.  B was pretty pleased with his gifts too.  His secret Santa was one of my younger sisters, and she bought him two games - Settlers of Catan and Zombie Dice.  B loves having game nights at our house (or at our friend's house), so they were perfect gifts for him.  He also got Seroogy's mint candy bars.  Apparently our gifts were very well received as well (B bought for my dad, I bought for my sister-in-law), so Christmas was a hit.  I'm glad it's finally over now.

I had an emotional few days last week when my parents had to put one of their dogs down.  I think it's been extra rough because it was completely unexpected - she ate a frozen stick and it didn't break down, causing damage that couldn't be repaired .  She was only 8 years old, we got her and her sister when they were puppies, and she was such a sweet dog - it was a pretty devastating loss for my family, especially my dad.  They've been spoiling their other dog rotten to help heal their hearts, which is good for all of them.

B has been crazy busy at work the last few weeks, staying late, working on weekends, and bringing work home with him (hence the whole lotta nothing we've been doing lately.  Well, that and we're poor).  This new computer system they're using at work is really stressing him (and most of his co-workers) out, so he's been pretty tense  and a little cranky lately.  He managed to catch a cold (I'm guessing due to stress) and he was kind enough to share it with me, and it's miserable.

I'm off to a slow start on my goals for the new year.  It's a good thing I have the entire year to work on them!

So yeah, that's pretty much the whole update.  I'm hoping for some good excitement to come our way soon - this is just getting too boring!

Clean Slate

With the new year approaching, it's about time that I reflect on the past year, and make plans for the next.

I am my own worst critic when it comes to evaluating how I did with my goals and resolutions.  I usually think I did a terrible job, but when I actually step back and look at them honestly, it turns out I didn't do half bad.  My goals for 2013 were pretty much all rollovers from 2012 because I didn't really focus well on my goals and failed to follow through (one of my top priority goals, ironically enough).  I know that a major part of my focusing problem has been that my goals and resolutions have always been hard to measure.  I'm hoping to change that a bit this year.

Goals for 2014:
- Read 1 book/month, and track it on Goodreads.
- Make healthier choices most of the time (80% healthy, 20% not so much).  This means balanced meals with smaller portions, less junk, drinking more water, attempting yoga videos 3x a week, and tracking activity on Wii Fit U.
- Set up a cleaning routine, get organized, and stick with it.
- Start a regular blogging schedule (or at least try to post a little more frequently).  Also, comment more on other bloggers' posts.
- Save more, spend less.  Get impulse purchases under control, plan meals weekly, use coupons, and shop sales.
- Write more - pen and paper style.  Spend more time being creative.
- Start (and finish) a scrapbook - or several.  I know I want to tackle a family yearbook, a mini-album featuring special Christmas ornaments, and I should probably get our wedding pictures arranged nicely somewhere too (it's only been 3.5 years ...).  Possibly make albums for our vacations, and work on my book about our house.
- Use a photo-a-day app, and keep up (at least 4 pictures/week). Take more pictures with B.  Get pictures printed once a month for scrapping or hanging in frames.
- Spend quality time with B - unplugged (or mostly unplugged).
- Learn something new.  New recipe, new craft, new skill - whatever.

So there they are ... kind of a lot of goals, but I'm hoping I can manage.  I think it will help that I'll have a good friend supporting me and keeping me accountable with frequent check-ins.  I need that.

2013 had a few highs and a lot of lows - I'm more than ready to move on to better things. Please, 2014, be kind to us.

Nope.

It didn't work.

Beta came back at less than 1, meaning no perfectly timed anniversary baby, no success on our first IUI, no good luck whatsoever in our household.  I knew it was coming, and I've been trying to brush it off like no big deal, but it hurts.  Like a crying under my blanket fort trying my best to be quiet and not wake up B kind of hurt.  I didn't think it would be this bad, but I'm so tired of wanting something that feels so far out of reach.  It's exhausting.

The rest of December and early January are going to be particularly busy for B, so we'll be taking the next cycle (whenever that starts) off, and trying another IUI late January.  It's probably for the best that we're taking a short break, but we just finished a break, and now we're losing one more month.  I wish this would get easier, but I just don't see that happening.

Next year will be better, right?  It can't really get much worse.

Just a Few More Days

I'm finally in the last few days of the 2 week wait - after this weekend, we'll know if we had any success with our first IUI.  I've had a fairly positive outlook on this IUI for the most part, but today, with just a few more days until the beta, I have to say - I really don't know if it worked.  Obviously it's still pretty early (9DPO today), and maybe it did, but we didn't have very high odds.  I've been noticing some "symptoms" because I can't resist symptom spotting, but I'm pretty sure it's just the progesterone playing tricks on me.

Speaking of progesterone ... I had my 7DPO progesterone lab on Monday.  I was lucky enough to have my favorite nurse do the draw.  I really appreciate how thoroughly she explains things (she understands that I'm a control freak) - she told me that a regular clinic wants it to be at 8 or above, but they prefer to see 15 or above.  If my progesterone was low, they would have increased me to 2 progesterone invasions a day (because that's what those progesterone suppositories are - invasions), but thankfully it came back at 35.  The nurse who called with my results was very pleased with the number, so that's exciting.  That was probably the first time in our TTC history that I was an overachiever.  Unfortunately, my awesome progesterone level has nothing to do with whether or not I'm pregnant, so it's not that important, but it felt good to have something go right.

I've been debating  if I want to test early or just wait for the beta, but I think test early has won, although I don't think it's a very good idea (that doesn't make any sense, I know).  I know that the tests I have are sensitive enough to detect 20-25 mIU/ml (whatever that means), but I also know that the most accurate test is going to be the blood test.  In a way, I don't really want to see another negative test, but if it's going to be negative, at least I'll be prepared.

Anyway, enough of my crazy rambling.  I'll maybe check in with the results. Or not.  I don't know.