I'll start with the positives:
- It's made me understand how my reproductive system works (or mostly doesn't). After more dates with the vag cam than I can count, and many hours consulting Dr. Google and infertility forums, I feel like I've earned a degree in Infertility Studies. I've learned a new vocabulary filled with medical jargon and random acronyms, I've seen my uterus via ultrasound as well as photos of the inside thanks to my hysteroscopy, and I've learned so much about hormones and their role in the reproductive process. I can explain most of the ART procedures pretty well in layman's terms, and I'm really proud of the knowledge that I've gained in this process.
- I've become more comfortable calling doctor's offices on the phone. I used to be a nervous nelly when it came to making phone calls. My mom was calling as me to make appointments even after I got married. Ridiculous. Scheduling a gazillion appointments has made me much more confident in my phone skills.
- It's made me overcome my needle phobia. All of the lab work set up a good foundation of me becoming more comfortable with needles, and then I was thrown into the fire when we tried a Follistim cycle. I cried for probably 15-20 minutes before giving myself my first injection, and when it was done, I laughed because it really wasn't bad at all. Intramuscular injections were a new hurdle, but I think I've become a bit of a pro at this point.
And of course there are some negatives as well:
- I'm kind of bitter and jealous. Just a little. Haha.
- I've lost my innocence in regards to pregnancy. I've seen too many friends experience losses at various points in their pregnancies, and now I know that a positive pregnancy test doesn't mean a baby will be coming home in 9 months.
I'm sure there are many other ways that infertility has changed me. B claims that it's made me more mean toward him, but I don't know if that's true ... maybe just sometimes :). The Clomid (and maybe the Lupron) made me do it.
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